So. Low.

I’m talking about life. Now has got to be one of the lowest point in mine.

Someone close to me made a life decision I can’t accept. I lost my respect for said person and my feelings are very conflicted. Bridges were burned, and I don’t even know if there will ever be a chance for a rebuilt.

Three doves, into the wild.


Glimpses of History

It has been more than 3 years since my father has passed away, and things are still hard.

A few days back, I was on my way home, sitting on the passenger seat with my mind wandering off wildly. I was thinking of a million things, one after another, that it was just like I wasn’t thinking of anything. I don’t know triggered me, but I started remembering this one particular memory of my dad.

I was in elementary school and my dad got us a new computer. He was also really eager to learn for himself, he started writing a lot in Microsoft Word, figuring out how to make indents (which he did with lots of spaces), and printing on envelopes. It wasn’t a special memory, and it didn’t have any emotion to it. It wasn’t happy, nor it was sad. It’s merely a piece of memory, which I was very glad to recall.

Then I had this realization. I had this fear that if I don’t keep remembering, I’m going to forget these little pieces of memory, until one day, I will barely remember him at all. I will forget how he talks, how he moves, how he smells, how once he was always around.

I. don’t. want. to. forget.

That’s why I’m writing this down. One day I’m going to re-read this and this memory will not be lost. Please, let me remember.

Inner Beauty

It’s almost midnight in the month of Ramadhan. I just finished cooking sambal ampela for Sahoor, without ati because ati is for wimps. Come to think of it, ati is liver, but I don’t know what to call ampela in English. Let me Google that for a minute.

Aaaand I’m back. Apparently it’s called gizzard. It’s a digestive organ found in several species to aid in digestion, kind of like a second stomach containing a second pair of teeth for extra grinding. I have been eating gizzards practically since I was born (kidding), but I never knew what it actually is until now. Blame Indonesia’s education system!

Ok back to the topic we were discussing, I just made sambal ampela. I took a picture of it for bragging purposes, and it looks like this.


I’m not a good photographer, but from any angle that just won’t look good although taste wise I think it’s pretty damn awesome (might be kind of biased though). It made me think about many other amazing Indonesian dishes like sate, sate padang, rendang, Siomay, gudeg and most of them are goopy or… turd-colored. Presentation is never a dealbreaker here. We just ain’t shallow about food. We care about what’s inside rather than what it looks like from the outside.

Too bad the same thing doesn’t apply to ACTUAL PEOPLE. Lol

Peace out ✌

March’s Long Weekend

Just had a long weekend which I definitely needed. The previous week I was in Bali for the whole weekend having a short vacay. I had fun but man, it was tiring. This long weekend was well deserved and I’m proud to say that it’s a pretty productive one!

How So?

  • Finished Orange is The New Black season 3. I got hooked a few weeks back and had been crazy about it ever since. Season 3 finale is not the kind that ends with a bang, but rather with a piece of mind. The lake scene is definitely one of my favorite throughout the whole series, I couldn’t help myself from smiling seeing the beloved characters catching a break. Season 2 is full of drama with all the Vee stuff, I’m glad in season 3 the characters can have fun (although maybe a little bit more drama wouldn’t hurt).


  • Sewed a blouse. I made a sleeveless tank from a flowery cotton fabric. It’s not my favorite among my stack of unused fabric, but I guess it’s just the best to waste. I finished the neckline and armhole with a bias tape, but apparently I’m still doing it wrong (stitching from the wrong side of the fabric instead of top-stitching). I find that the neckline kind of rolls towards the outside although I have clipped the extra fabric ends inside.Maybe I should iron the neckline for a tidier finish. Note to self!
  • I also mended an old blankie of mine. Hell, I think it’s almost as old as I am, 20 years old maybe! The fabric has become so thin, no wonder there were tears here and there. I’m really happy about my mending work though, as I just can’t let go of the blankie, at least not yet.
  • I also tried making dimsum on Saturday but failed miserably. I followed this recipe pretty accurately from rasamasa but it turned out mushy and tasteless, just EW. I was bummed because I made 24 pieces and I could only eat like 5 (which required a lot of struggling from my part). I had to dump the rest which was heartbreaking, I hate wasting food!

So that was it. I am glad I did what I did although I could have done more. I always could have done more. How about you though, any stories worth sharing?


Between a Rock and a Hard Place

To buy a PC or console. To buy PS4 or XOne.

Or not to buy anything at all.

I’m really having a hard time currently. So the situation is like this:
– I wanna freakin play some video games
– I am not a hardcore gamer, casual
– I live in an apartment with very limited space
– I do not poop dollars

Building my very own PC would definitely be the best option there is, but it’s not the most fitting to my situation. While building my own PC is in my bucket list, the current circumstances are just not helping. I don’t have that much spare time to research the whats and hows nor to go for trials and errors, assembling something from scratch and getting it to work. If I go through this path, I picture myself crying out of frustration at 4am Monday morning, still tweaking my little project and suddenly realizing I didn’t get to have fun at all that weekend plus reality will slap me in the face in 5 hours. And is the effort even worth it considering the time and money spent for something that won’t even matter that much to me as someone who plays casually?

If I go down the console path, it would definitely be a PS4. I think there’s not much to say really, every online debate proves where the majority of gamers really stand. At the end of the day, fan boys will be fan boys. I should just stick with what I’m familiar with, which is PS.

And the last option is to not buy anything at all. I’ve always said to myself, a) buy one when you can buy two and b) if you really want something, sleep on it and see if you still want it the next morning. My current case passes both a)  and b) but the next questions that pop in my head: will this give me happiness? is this financially wise and responsible? or am I being too financially paranoid that I’m not even having fun anymore?

I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I? shouldn’t I? what would you guys do?

Am I a Ninja?

There has been too much instances of people not being aware that I am walking or standing behind them, or doing any movement beside them. I’m really wondering what is it about me that makes people doesn’t seem to notice my presence? People would stop immediately when walking, they would shamelessly show PDA, then when they finally knew that I was there they would flinch crazily like I was some kind of a wild pokemon who appears out of nowhere in the bushes. I’m pretty sure many people have thought why the hell did I tiptoe around them like a creep. Well I didn’t. I’m just going about my day. Being unnoticed is not what I do voluntarily.

What is it about me, is it my aura? Was I a ninja in my previous life? Do I even exist at all, like maybe all my life, I’m just a ghost like Bruce Willis in the 6th sense?

September Update


I have been gone for so long, I have so many stories to tell! I don’t know what struck me but I’m really excited to tell my stories, so bear with me or skip this post altogether. Let’s get started!

  • I had my hair cut short, again! I participated in this year’s Shave for Hope. It’s actually my second time, the first time was in 2012 I think. This year, it was held in Lippo Mall Kemang. I’ve never been there by the way, and on the d-day I went there by motorbike. I swear to God, never again! We had to walk so far from the parking lot. It’s not only about the distance though, it’s also the lacking of beauty of the pathway to the so called mall. The parking was hella cheap though, only Rp 2.000,- for like 5 hours! Ok back to the point, I’m really glad I participated again this year, makes feel good and proud about myself, which is somewhat selfish and beats the original purpose to be selfless. But I’m glad to do some good while also being selfish. Some people ask me “Why would you do that?”. The thing is I just don’t feel the need to hold on to my hair when I can give it up to do some good, it’ll grow back anyway. It’s a wonder to me why more people didn’t participate. There was not a long line to get to the haircut booth like in 2012.

This is how me and Panci-san looks like now,

  • Last month I visited Hong Kong with 2 of my female friends (girls trip!!!) There’s a LOT that I want to share but I think it deserves its own post. I liked Hong Kong, probably will return some day!
  • A few weeks ago, I was on my way home, in a metromini (640) at around 7-8pm. The seat next to me was empty and a middle aged man hopped in and sat next to me. He was skinny, and carried a huge backpack with him, which he put on his lap. He was suspicious, I kept staring at him. One time I paused and looked away for a bit and when I look at him again, I saw his hand flinching! I know he was trying to do something. I kept staring at him, non-verbally stating “Dude, I’m freakin staring at you, I’m memorizing your facial features, don’t you freaking dare do something crazy!”. Apparently non-verbal measures didn’t work. His hand reached down his pants and I think he was about to pull his pants down. EW! I think I glanced at something I didn’t want to see, I quickly got up and moved to another seat at the front. I didn’t scream because I was stunned and couldn’t think. I did not know what words to scream! Soon after, I got off the bus (while making sure he didn’t get off with me) safely. I’m grateful I was able to move away before something escalated, hopefully nobody after me had to experience what that creepy man was trying to do. Moral of the story, when it’s starting to get late, sit at the front, with someone presumably safe occupying the seat next to you.
  • Kenyip-san is doing goooood. She’s lazy like usual, I’m thinking about bringing her to a cat salon to get properly groomed. Should I or should I not? Her eye booger marks are getting permanent.

Boogie Cat!

Anyway, I think that’s all for now. It’s getting late and I must say I’m kind of tired after an evening of failing making tteokbokki. Let’s doze off for another kickass day off tomorrow!

Jajanan Abang-Abang

Still awake at night, thinking about it. I am missing the jajanan back in my school days.

There were so many kinds of street food back then near my school in Jambi. There was this one thing we called martabak, but it’s not like the usual martabak. It’s really thin, more like crepes really, folded in half. It’s crispy, and has this thin layer of sugar and chocolate sprinkle. It was baddass.

There was also the majestic egg-expert abang-abang with a “CIA” cap. He usually hang around near my elementary school. He was the ultimate boss. Originally he served this egg with cabbage and scallions shaped like tiny half of cups. Then he served another variety, egg fried and twirled during cooking. His sauce was out of this world.

The next one worth mentioning was steamed pempek. I have not seen this yet in Jakarta. So yes the pempek is steamed and served with sauce, not as thick as usual, different, but just as tasty. We eat it from dim colored plastic dish and finishing the sauce is a must.

I miss those days, God knows where the street chefs are now. Come to think about it, right at this minute, I feel so passionate about food. Specifically abang-abang food. I wish one day I could travel around the country to discover abang-abang culinary and the deep secrets. It’s like the most raw culinary art form there is. Maybe I should create a dedicated blog for this, or maybe just an instagram page. Then people from all over the country can mention me to suggest their version of awesome street food. Uh mazing isn’t it?