Weekend Warrior

Friday, May 17th, 3:17 PM.

It was the time my life turned upside down. Though at the time, I haven’t found out yet.

Around 1 PM that day, I was at the station, waiting for a train for a job interview. I got a phone call from my cousin telling me my dad’s state was critical. I just nodded it off, just trying to let it slide and not bother me because I was already anxious about the interview. I was very worried but I let the feeling go.

Sometime between 3 and 4 PM, I was having my interview, I could feel my phone vibrating in my bag behind me. I ignored it and did not pick it up. Right after I was finished with my interview, I checked my phone. Some missed calls from my cousin, and an instant message from Sylvia.

My dad had passed away.

Such an important news in an instant message, wow. I bet no one called me because they could not bear to say it, not my sister, not even my mom. It made sense though, I did not want to be the one to break such horrible news with a phone call either, it would sting too much.

So that’s about the day. It’s been more than four months and it has not been getting any easier. I am still depressed from time to time although thankfully I am way past denial and anger. I went through those when I heard the doctor’s diagnosis, acute lymphoblastic leukemia. I wiki’d, webmd’d, mayoclinic’d the hell out of it and I did not like what I found. I knew the time was near and he did not have much hope. Under the circumstances, it was possibly the best case scenario though. Chemotherapy was not possible because he was too weak. Even if he was not, it would be a painful process with still a high chance of relapse after remission for a man his age. It might increase his life span by months but what’s the point of that when he’s all miserable and in pain? That’s not what anyone wanted. What matters about life is the quality rather the quantity of it.

I had closure though. It was a proper goodbye with him one week before his passing. I kissed both his warm cheeks. I knew I had to prepare myself for what’s to come because I knew his time was not long. I also got a chance to see him for the last time before the burial. I kissed him on the cheeks and on the forehead. He was cold, his face not showing any signs of life inside. It was very painful seeing him like that, I tried my best to hold in my tears.

Those people who was with him during his last minutes said it was a very peaceful moment. He passed away with ease, some said he even had a smile on his face. Hi did not say anything though, probably because he was too weak to do so. Mom said he had the sweetest face on, the purest, sincerest face perhaps.

He was a good man, he had a good life. There’s always a part of him that I always aspire to be. How I miss you dad.